December 29th, 2013

There are some people you accept that you will be alive when they pass on. Grandparents, elderly,...but I always knew he was not hat list... And I know he will always be my guardian angel when he's gone. But I refuse to accept that until I can't fight for him any longer. He made me promises that I refuse to let him break. He protects me in the shadows and when he's gone their is nothing to separate me from the darkness he knew well. He walks every day in pain of his past. Part of me admits the selfishness of making him stay  on this earth longer. I tell myself I want hi to find light, and I do. But part of me knows he is right...his light will be found when he is in resting peace. We've once shared a dream in days past of his funeral.he saw me standing their and he left a red rose with me and walked into the light with a white suit. A song red rose pinned to his chest. And when he sees me smile back through the tears  he looks down and smiles, turns and walks into the light. Knowing somehow, we can both be at peace. That we will both be ok. 

But for now, I will continue to be selfish. Because I refuse loosing him. Not yet. 

AH  

Day 1: July 10 12:55am.

Ever been on the first step of an adventure? That step right past the spawning of the idea, but before you are fully immersed. That is me, right in this moment. Right on the brink of being embarked on a journey to define a year. All my life, I've been so scared that what happens today, will be lost like a single speck of dust in an abandoned home. I was so focused on making each individual dead cell of a life form stay alive as a small flame in a fire that I want to ignite my mind in years when it is in a phase of deterioration. Giving a solid track for generations past me to look back and at times admire and at times learn from the mistakes of the ones they've loved days past. It's time, for in this phase of the worlds social media craze, to track a year in a new way. To publish, for not only to share, but also to remember, inspire, and reflect on this endless strand of interconnected events I dare name a life. So here I stand, prepared, enthralled and inspired. Ready to stand against the world and forge my way through this place. Ready, set, go....