Sometimes our life is traveling in one direction where we finally feel like we could find happiness. We have finally started to emerge out of the desolate night that restrained our every pore for far too long. We can finally see again. Then, you look around and realize you have simply started over the same cyclical dementia you always have. Feeling like this new journey is going to be different, that people are different, that it isn't the same as what you escaped, or what you escaped before.
The funny thing is our past is like a child to fire. We know we should not go toward it, that when we get to close the fire singes away all physical boundaries our body provides till we are barren ashes. That we need to move away, but like the child to that fire, the light that attracted us before, the blaze, the heat, peaks curiosity till one does not even remember the burning fury that that same fire brought to us before and before. And we fall into that curiosity, and tell ourselves we are ok, we are strong that we are more powerful this time then the fire that once destroyed us. Yet, there comes a time when one faces the pathetic realization that a fire will always be a fire, it does not have the control or will to be anything but what it is and always has been. That it truelly is a trick of the eye of the beholder who convinces themselves this simply logical fact is not true.
See one day though, even as we still gaze into that same fire with severe furosity, a small ant will cross our path, we notice it yet it is not enough to take away the beauty we dementedly allow ourselves to see in the great blaze. But then, the ant lingers, and with simple and quite interest we slowly allow ourselves to notice the ant, to notice anything other than the fire. An ant, so unexpectedly present that we never allowed ourselves even to acknowledge it's worth and existence. And slowly you realize that an ant does not destroy by nature, it builds. Slowly but surely is creates a foundation and with others help founds a shelter for itself. A stable functioning environment. So while that fire burns on, you begin to see beauty in the ant, the simple and true, a creature that would never aim to destroy you. And maybe it is as you first fully gaze upon the ant that you start to be able to conceptualize the constructs of this happiness thing others may mention. A foreign concept, that for once has come to light.
And it is beautiful. And you look up to the sky and you pray. You pray that you will allow the ant and fire still to exist, yet let it be the ant that you now are drawn. And you look up once more, and say. Thank you.
